Tiebreaker
by Imperator Justinian
Summary: After all five of their battles end in ties, Kenshin and Shingen decide to settle their rivalry with a drinking contest, leaving Masamune to have to look after Yukimura and Kanetsugu. What could go wrong?


Well, since my last Pokemon Conquest Story (Motonari's Malady) was such a sad story, here's the far more upbeat one that I promised. It's set after Shingen and Kenshin's stories (prospectively Archenemies and The Joy of Battle), and based on the "what if" scenario that all of their five battles were somehow draws (like they were historically). I did have to change the challenge from the "First to Win Five Battles" to just fighting five battles to suit the plot though. To be honest I'm not entirely sure how I did on this since this my first attempt at writing comedy, so any feedback, good or bad and any advice is appreciated. I will give this warning; this story contains alcohol consumption, and the idiotic antics of those (as well as those not) affected by it (so, under no circumstances, are you to take this story seriously). And now for something completely different;

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, Koei or anything associated with it.

* * *

"Incredulous..." Kenshin muttered as both his Gallade and Shingen's Rhyperior dropped to the ground, both unconscious. While his Gallade had launched a Psycho Cut on Ryhperior, Shingen retaliated by ordering the behemoth to attack with a Rock Wrecker. Both attacks managed to hit their targets at the same time, and both Pokemon, already exhausted from the previous attacks in the battle, had collapsed. It was then they realized that the two of them were the last stragglers in their battle, and that since both of their Pokemon had been knocked out, it was a draw. Again.

Every single one of the five battles he fought with his nemesis on the Terrera-Illusio Border had always come down to the two of them being the last fighters on the field and somehow tieing. As much as he would have liked to, Kenshin knew it would be impossible to drag on this rivalry with Shingen forever; the costs would simply run too high eventually. And from what he could tell from the look on his nemesis' face, whatever part of it was not obscured by his red mask, Shingen had reached the same conclusion. Letting his sister, Aya, take care of Gallade, Kenshin walked over to Shingen, who was busy trying to lift Rhyperior up. Grabbing the rock Pokemon's other outstretched hand, Kenshin managed to lift it up back onto its feet.

"Thank you Kenshin." Shingen said politely.

"Nemesis, this has gone on long enough." Shingen nodded as his Rhyperior stepped back.

"I agree, perhaps we should settle things the old fashioned way?" Shingen said with a wave of his fan. Most of the nearby warriors stood back at what they were sure was an impending duel. Surprisingly, Shingen just let out a burst of hearty laughter and lowered his iron fan.

"Terrera, Eleven O'Clock Sharp?" Kenshin only nodded, leaving most of the onlookers trying to figure out what they were talking about.

"Agreed." Shingen then turned back to his confused army and Rhyperior, casually walking back over to them.

"All right, time to go home everyone." The Terrera army, though confused, turned to take their leave while the Illusio army did theirs, each army going back to their perspective castles.

* * *

The next morning had come, and unsurprisingly, Kenshin, Kanetsugu and Aya had arrived early. The three of them walked into Terrera's main hall, where Shingen, Rhyperior and Yukimura were seated, waiting for them.

"Ah, excellent. Now that you're here we can begin. Rhyperior, Aya will be looking after you and Gallade for the day." Rhyperior let out a hearty laugh akin to that of Shingen's and walked over to Aya and Gallade, who were standing by the door. Upon reaching the smaller Pokemon, Rhyperior slung his bulky arm over Gallade's shoulder, saying something to it followed by another bout of hearty laughter. Gallade only rolled its eyes but chuckled himself at his friend's actions.

"Come along you two. Frosslass and I have been up all night making snacks, and we wouldn't want them to go to waste." Aya stated in an almost motherly manner. After Aya left with Gallad and Rhyperior, Shingen turned to Yukimura and Kanetsugu, who, along with their Pokemon, were busy making small talk.

"And as for you two." Kanetsugu and Yukimura both turned when Shingen directed the statement at them. "I've arranged for Masamune to have you for the day so-"

"Are you implying that I am to be babysitted by that honorless child!?" Kanetsugu said in disbelief.

"Don't think of it as babysitting, think of it as spending the day with a friend." Shingen replied, trying to maintain his composure.

"I refuse to be-"

"Kanetsugu." Kenshin said, interrupting Kanetsugu's impending rant. Realizing that Kenshin had signed off on this as well, Kanetsugu quickly stopped and bowed.

"Yes my lord." He muttered despondently. Kanetsugu then turned and started to leave with his Kadabra, while Yukimura just stayed glued to his spot.

"You can go too Yukimura, you don't need my approval for everything. Besides, you wouldn't want to lose Kanetsugu in his self pity -I mean honor- would you?" Yukimura quickly bowed and, along with his Charmeleon, ran after Kanetsugu who was busy muttering to himself about his "honor abandoning him". After Yukimura and Charmeleon had caught up to Kenshin's student, Shingen opened his mouth, only to quickly close it, becoming aware of something awry.

"You can go as well Kunoichi." Kunoichi and her Sneasel dropped down from her perch in the ceiling, and then bowed to Shingen.

"Thanks Lord Shingen." with that the young ninja ran off after Yukimura with Sneasel, who was struggling to keep up with the girl's pace.

"Ah, youth." Shingen sighed, memories of his childhood squabbles with Kenshin starting to come to mind. Those memories then reminded him of why Kenshin, who had been silently observing the entire time, was here.

"Oh, yes. I do believe we have some business to take care of." Shingen got up from his folding chair and walked off towards the armory with Kenshin. Arriving in the room, Shingen walked over to a weapon rack and pulled two Katanas from it.

He then tossed one to Kenshin and twirled the one in his spare hand a bit, only to turn back to the rack an grab a key that was suspended on a nail that had been carefully concealed by one of the swords. Shingen then placed the sword back in the rack and twirled the key around his finger while walking over to a nearby painting. After putting the sword Shingen handed him back, Kenshin turned to see Shingen taking the painting off the wall, revealing a compartment door behind it.

"So that's where you hide it..." Kenshin mused.

"But of course. It would be too big a risk to leave it out in the open." Shingen replied while opening the wooden door, revealing the dozens of glass bottles inside the spacious compartment.

"Who knows what Kunoichi would do if she got her hands on my sake collection." Shingen only let an involuntary shudder follow his comment as he started pulling out the various bottles of clear liquid. He then passed some to Kenshin and grabbed as many as he could carry, then waddled out of the room.

Coming back into the main hall with his hands full of the drink, Shingen placed the bottles on the wooden table before sitting down across from Kenshin. He then reached over for one of the glasses on the table and passed it to Kenshin, then grabbed another one for himself. After taking a few moments to redistribute the bottles, so that he and Kenshin both had ten and the spares were set to the side, he smiled at his rival.

"First to finish all of theirs wins." he said while popping the cork off a nearby bottle. Kenshin did likewise and soon the first glass of the beverage had been downed. Then the second. And a third. They never broke their stare as they continued to down more of the drink, and were too concentrated on their competition to even notice someone entering.

Ujiyasu pulled up a nearby chair, and sat down next to Shingen, pouring himself a drink from one of the bottle of to the side. "Aya said I could find you two here."

At the mention of his sister's name, Kenshin's over-protectiveness kicked in, especially considering Ujiyasu's long history of flirting with Aya.

"You went to see my sister?" he asked, taking little care to hide his anger.

"Calm down, I just went to return a tea pot that she left behind at her last visit to Cragspur." Kenshin looked thoroughly unconvinced so Shingen took it upon himself to redirect Kenshin's focus.

"You better hurry up Kenshin, I may beat you." Shingen joked after downing another glass. Kenshin immediately redirected his focus to his rival, unwilling to be defeated by him and quickly downed another glass.

"How is Aya handling Rhyperior and Gallade anyways?" The masked man managed to say while downing another glass.

* * *

Rhyerior smirked at Gallade, convinced at his imminent victory. Gallade simply moved his arm, apprehensive about his next move.

He then picked up the Bisharp and knocked over Rhyperior's Pawniward, checking his Nidoking. Rhyperior gawked at the board as it was now Gallade's turn to have a smug look. Rhyperior then leveled himself with the chessboard, looking at all the pieces, as if trying to ensure that Gallade had not cheated.

When it became evident that no matter where he would move Gallade would checkmate him the next turn, Rhyperior made one last desperate move. Picking up his Nidoking, he then knocked over Gallade's Nidoking with it, before placing his piece down on the empty spot. Gallade sat in a tense silence for a moment, before shaking his head and spouting out a flurry of words of his name based language.

"Come now Gallade, it's only a friendly game." Aya said, quietly watching from the side with her Frosslass. Rhyeprior then said a single word smugly, before closing his eyes and leaning back in his seat. The chair, unable to hold the additional pressure that the rock-type placed on it, broke, leaving Rhyperior to hit the floor with a loud thump.

"And Rhyperior, I suppose that's only right for cheating." Aya then added, with her Frosslass giggling at the Pokemon's misfortune. Rhyperior only responded by rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, before giving a one word apology.

* * *

"They were fine when I got there. Though I imagine that your Rhyperior's gone through half of the castle's furniture by now." Ujiyasu replied after taking another sip of his drink. Shingen just laughed at his dry humor.

"Oh Ujiyasu... What would we do without you?"

"Get along." he replied, causing Shignen to laugh again and Kenshin to snort. "Speaking of getting along, Aya mentioned that you sent your proteges to Avia."

"And?" Kenshin and Shingen both asked at the same time.

"Are you trying to kill Masamune?"

* * *

"No! I refuse to enter that den of injustice!" Despite all of Yukimura's attempts, including pushing Kanetsugu, he refused to move from his spot in front of the open gates of Avia, as if he was literally glued to the spot. Yukimura only sighed and sat down behind Kanetsugu, his Charmeleon deciding to join him after it's failure to persuade Kadabra to do something. Kanetsugu smiled smugly and leaned back slightly, only for a certain ninja to drop out of her perch in a nearby tree and land in front of him. Too shocked at Kunoichi's appearance to do anything, he stumbled back, tripped over Yukimura, and landed on him.

"That seemed to do it, Lord Yukimura." Kunoichi said following a giggle. Yukimura, who was currently being crushed by Kanetsugu's back, could only offer a muffled reply.

"Well done Kunoichi." She was not sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but helped a muttering Kanetsugu to his feet. With Kanetsugu off him, Yukimura managed to get to his feet. Despite his previous shock, Kanetsugu stiffened again and remained motionless as the two warriors and their Pokemon made for the gates. Kunoichi pouted, then turned to Yukimura.

"Go on ahead Lord Yukimura, I'll take care of him." Yukimura nodded, and then looked at his friend in sympathy before heading into the castle. Kanetsugu only gulped as Kunoichi and Sneasel approached him, both wearing mischievous grins. He looked to his Kadabra for help, only to see him heading off after Yukimura.

* * *

Yukiumura walked into Avia's castle quickly, only to be beset upon by Masamune, coming face to face with the over-sized crescent of his helmet.

"What took you so long!?" The young warlord shouted. Before Yukimura could respond Masamune continued his line of questioning. "Do you know how long I was waiting for you and... Kanetsugu?" he said, his temper turning into curiosity as he looked around for Kanetsugu.

"Gyahh! Kunoichi let go of me!" Kanetsugu's pained cries could be heard, but it was who he was talking to that caused Masamune to pale. He then ran up to Yukimura and grabbed him by his robe.

"You brought HER!? After what she did to me last time!" he shouted, and despite being a head smaller, was shaking Yukimura frantically.

"I-I did-didn't kn-kn-know she was come-coming!" he replied, his voice shaking due to his head being violently slung back and fourth. When Kunoichi reached the gate, dragging Kanetsugu by the ear, Masamune let go of Yukimura, letting the shaken warrior drop to the floor.

"Just keep her on a short leash." Masamune turned and walked away from a confused Kunoichi and a still shaken Yukimura.

"What now?"

"Why not have a battle?" Yukimura suggested, his voice becoming stable.

"I'll invite Ieyasu and the rest of Valora to join." Kanetsugu said, a subtle anger still resonating in his voice.

* * *

"I'd be more worried for them more than Masamune. I'd say we threw them into the dragon's den." Shingen said, taking another sip of his drink.

"Well you don't have to have a kingdom adjacent to his do you? I can't tell you how many times that idiot of a Junior Warlord has come over to ask out the kid on a date, only for Masamune to come in and try to drag him back to Avia, which usually just ends up in a shouting match."

"Your point?" Kenshin asked blandly.

"If I've endured their antics for five years then I'm sure your proteges can endure a day." He then took another sip only to see that Kenshin and Shingen were far ahead of him. "Speaking of antics, enlighten me on why you're doing this?"

"This is our tiebreaker." Shingen replied simply, taking another sip of his drink.

"Oh yes. How could I forget? You decided to settle your dispute over who was the better man by getting soused." Ujiyasu replied sarcastically. "How did that rivalry of yours get started again?"

"Let me think..." Shingen muttered after downing his glass for good measure. "It all started a long time ago, so long ago that Kenshin actually smiled..."

* * *

"Hurry up Kenshin!" a small girl, not even in her teens, shouted. "Father's not going to like it if we're late."

"Coming, Aya!" replied an equally young voice from the bottom of the hill. A young boy, presumably Kenshin, clad in white robes that were slightly too large for him got up to the top of the hill. He then turned and helped someone else who was struggling to get to the top by hoisting him up, revealing said person to be a Ralts. He then turned back to see that his sister was already running for the doors to Illusio Castle. Not wanting to be outdone, he quickly ran after her, Ralts doing its best to keep up with its stubby legs, and he managed to catch up to her as she entered the foyer. The trio then ran into the meeting hall, filled with warlords from all across Ransei, their father included.

"You're late." he said solemnly, no doubt irritated about having to stop his discussion with the other warlords.

"Sorry Father, K-"

"It's fine Aya. All you two missed were the introductions anyways. Why don't you go outside and play with the other kids?" Aya nodded, remembering that her father said many of the other warlords would be bringing their children, and dragged an interested Kenshin outside, letting the warlords resume their conversation. Reaching a flat field outside, they could hear the sounds of children playing, and approached the makeshift playground. It was a hectic scene, most of the kids had broken off into groups to pursue their own goals. A few kids were trying to climb a tree, and failing miserably, though a green haired child that was calmly reading a book underneath it did not seem to mind his head being used as a stepping stool by the other children.

Another group of children had formed a circle and were kicking a ball back and fourth, seemingly being instructed in the game by a child with a Pineco. They finally managed to get that hang of it, until Kenshin's friend, Shingen she thought his name was, accidentally rode into the group on his Rhyhorn, which promptly trampled the ball by accident. Shingen could only scratch the back his in a sheepish manner while many of the other kids groaned or complained. This continued until the well dressed child with the Pineco produced another ball, and started the game again, but not before making sure that Shingen was away from the circle.

Shingen decided to ride up and watch a practice sparring match with three kids, each armed with a wooden practice sword, go up against a muscular child with a large mallet. Surprisingly, the child with the mallet managed to easily best all three others. Kenshin saw Shingen saying something to him, no doubt challenging him to a mock battle himself. The other kid seemed to laugh at this, but also accepted his offer, as Shingen got off his Rhyhorn, making sure that his over-sized mask wouldn't fall off, and approached him with his fan. She then noticed that Kenshin was no longer by her side, and saw him descending the hill that they had been watching from, presumably to help Shingen. She ran after him, shouting his name the entire way, but tripped and started to tumble down the hill.

Kenshin turned too late to help his sister, but he noticed that someone had saw her in time to help. Another kid, perhaps only a few years older than him, managed to dive in and stop her fall. A Roggenrola, presumably the partner of the other child, had come up to the hill, and used its body as a stopper for the two. The kid then offered his hand to Aya, which she graciously accepted and pulled her up. Making eye contact, he immediately blushed and looked down to the ground.

"You-You look nice." was all that he managed to mutter out as Aya developed a blush of her own. Before she could respond though, Kenshin had reached them and stepped in between her and the other kid.

"That's my sister!" he shouted, his protectiveness kicking in. This caused the other kid to look up, the blush replaced by a slight anger.

"What? I'm not allowed to give her a compliment?"

* * *

"Looks like the booze went straight to your head Shingen; that's the story of how me and Kenshin first met." Ujiyasu grumbled.

"And why I hate you." Kenshin chimed in, emotionless as ever.

"Yah, I know. You gave me this," he said, motioning to the scar across his face. "When I worked up enough courage to ask to court Aya."

"I wasn't finished." Shingen said, interrupting the two's argument. "Now, where was I?"

* * *

"No!"

"Fine, we'll settle this in a battle. If I win, you calm down." Ujiyasu said.

"And if I win, you back off." Aya moved to stop the two, particularly her brother, though it was too late; the two shook on it.

"Roggenrola." Ujiyasu said. The small, rock-like Pokemon immediately waddled up to Ujiyasu, getting in front of him.

"Ralts!" Kenshin shouted, followed by the equally diminutive Pokemon running up to him.

"Sand Attack." Ujiyasu said. Roggenrola then started to kick up a storm of dust and dirt directed at Ralts, blinding the small Pokemon.

"Confusion Ralts!" Kenshin shouted, though Ralts was too busy flailing around in the cloud of dust to hear Kenshin or see the incoming boulder that Roggenrola had just shot. It hit the Feeling Pokemon, knocking it out, and causing the dust that it had been trying to disperse to settle. Kenshin ran up to his unconscious partner, scooping up the Pokemon in his robed arms.

"Huh. I thought you'd be a bit tougher." Ujiyasu muttered as he walked away with Roggenrola, leaving a fuming Kenshin behind. Kenshin stood and and prepared to march after Ujiyasu until he heard a rather loud voice call out to him.

"Hey! Kenshin!" Shingen shouted, once again mounted on his Rhyhorn, and rapidly approaching the downed kid. The masked kid rammed his heels into the sides of the Pokemon, stopping him merely an inch from trampling Kenshin, and then dismounted.

"I can't believe that guy beat you." Shingen said as he pulled up his friend, who only hung his head in shame.

"You want to get back at him?" Kenshin looked up at his friend to see him giving him a mischievous smile, one that he returned. Aya could only watch as the two then started to walk off, discussing the various methods of revenge.

* * *

"No, I'd say that my plan is better." Shingen muttered, pointing to the crude diagram he had drawn in the sand.

"It will take too long. By the time we set everything up it will be bedtime." Kenshin replied.

"All right then, how 'bout we have a battle to decide?" Shingen did not wait for Kenshin to answer as he whistled, causing his Rhyhorn, who was napping contentedly under a tree, to run over to him. Kenshin's Ralts jumped out of his arms and turned to nod to him. It was always spoiling for a fight.

"Fine. Ralts, Confusion!" Kenshin ordered, giving Shingen little time to prepare.

"Dodge and counter with Horn Attack!" Rhyhorn, despite it's bulky size, managed to deftly dodge the wave of Psychic Energy and then charged Ralts, its horn glowing.

"Teleport." Kenshin commanded. Ralts disappeared in a small burst of light right before Rhyhorn could hit it, leaving it gawking at air. Ralts then reappeared on Rhyhorn's back, and when the Ground Type realized it that Ralts was on his back, he started to buck and kick his legs wildly, leaving Ralts to try to hold on to the rampaging Pokemon.

"Throw it off Rhyhorn!" Shingen commanded. Rhyhorn shot a look at Shingen as if saying "what does it look like I'm doing?" but started rampaging even more, paying little heed to the tree in front of it. When it finally realized that it was about to crash into the tree, it was too late and, with a very audible thud, collapsed. Before Ralts could get off the unconscious Pokémon's back though, a branch that had been broken off by the impact fell and hit it on the head, knocking out the small Pokémon as well. Both Kenshin and Shingen ran over to their unconscious Pokemon, Kenshin scooping up the small Pokemon in his robed arms and Shingen trying to drag the massive Pokemon away from the tree. Naturally Kenshin had more success in removing his partner from the scene, and once he placed Ralts down a bed of leaves to rest he went over and helped Shingen pull Rhyhorn away.

"Thanks..." he said, panting.

"So what now? We had a draw." Kenshin stated.

"I guess we'll just have to wait for them to wake up and try again." And so they did. And it was another draw. So they repeated the process, only to find the same results. As the day continued to drag on, the two became embittered and eventually forgot what they were fighting over in the first place, too focused on who would be able to get victory. Eventually the Warlords meeting ended and their parents had to interfere in their battle and drag them away to end their bickering.

* * *

"Wait a minute..." Ujiyasu said as Shingen started to wind down his lengthy flashback.

"You mean to tell me that the rivalry that you two have; the same one that dragged all of Ransei into war at one point, started over who had the better plan to get back at me?" both Kenshin and Shingen sat in stunned silence for a moment, staring at each other, then slowly looking over at Ujiyasu, then back to each other, something they both knew the whole time finally managing to sink in. Then as Shingen went back to downing his glass as if nothing had happened, a though crossed Kenshin's mind.

"You know nemesis, we never did get our revenge." Shingen swallowed and slowly placed down his cup for dramatic effect, but only let out a "hmm" in consideration.

"No... No. We're better than that. Besides, a few more rounds and I'm sure you'll have another reason to kill Ujiyasu." he said, chuckling at the last part, before going back to his drink.

"You two know I'm still here, right?" Ujiyasu said, faking offense. Both Kenshin and Shingen pretended to ignore him by continuing to drink, to which Ujiyasu could only respond by taking a drink himself.

* * *

Masamune, who was silently napping against a wooden pillar in the kitchen, awoke to the sounds of clamoring in the courtyard.

"What have those imbeciles done now?" he groaned and ran over to a nearby window, which was really just a well crafted absence of wood in the wall. Gazing out of the window he saw Ieyasu and a group of warriors from Valora entering the courtyard, where his "guests" had been camped out. Wasting no time running down the stairs, he sharply whistled and jumped out the window, letting his Braviary catch him and take him safely down to the courtyard. Before he could even get over to his guests, he could hear Kanetsugu shout out.

"Lord Ieyasu, welcome to the battlefield! Did you get the letter I sent?" Ieyasu, who was mounted on a Rapidash, reached into a saddlebag and pulled out the piece of paper in question.

"Oh yes, I enjoyed it very much. But it almost didn't reach me... Did you realize you spelled my name wrong? It's "Ieyasu Tokugawa" not "Villainous Swine Who Will Perish for His Dishonor". Perhaps you can remember that?" the portly man replied. Masamune, who by this time had reached Kanetsugu's side, grabbed him by his coat and started shaking him rapidly, causing his elongated helmet to fall off.

"You IMBECILE! Why would you insult him!?" he shouted, his shaking becoming even more frantic.

"In-Inj-Injure a Va-Valor-Valora W-Warrior's Pride an-and he-he's su-sure to c-come." Kantesugu replied with a shaky voice. Ieyasu, who was watching this the whole time, could only chuckle.

"Don't worry Masamune, no harm was done." the metal-clad man said jovially as Masamune dropped Kenshin's protege.

"Besides..." he started, his tone taking a bit of a sinister turn. "Tadakatsu here has been spoiling for a good fight." The mountain of a man behind Ieyasu cracked his neck with a predatory look on his grizzled face, which only caused Masamune to gulp before going back to shaking Kanetsugu like a madman. Once Masamune was done with Kanetsugu, whose head was surprisingly still attached to his body after being viciously thrashed by someone a head shorter, he lined up his guests and "convinced" Magoichi to join in as well so they would be equal to the amount of warriors Ieyasu brought with him.

The five warriors on each side lined up, their Pokemon in front of them, each side waiting for the other to make the first move. Finally after a few tense moments, Masamune decided to take the initiative and ordered his Braviary to attack.

"Sky Drop on Emboar!" Braviary wasted no time in taking off at Naomasa's large Fire/Fighting type, causing the other warriors to start issuing commands and the battlefield simply developed into chaos.

"Flare Blitz, Emboar!" Emboar started to stomp in place, a wave of fire surrounding it and charged at Braviary. Braviary quickly dodged the charging Pokemon, flew around and grabbed Emboar on its shoulders before the Pokemon had a chance to turn around. Braviary then flew up at a surprising speed, considering the massive amount of weight it was carrying, and before Emboar could break free, it let go of its grip, sending the flailing Pokemon back to earth. Emboar crashed, creating a small crater around the now unconscious Pokemon and distracting the nearby combatants. While Masamune was congratulating himself on such a swift victory, Magoichi, who was trying to hold his own against Ieyasu managed to chime in.

"You do know that you'll have to clean that up." he quickly stated before directing his Grovyle to avoid an attack from Ieyasu's Aggron. Masamune grumbled at his "impeccable" timing when it came to stating the obvious, but ordered his Braviary to assist regardless. While Masamune and Magiochi squared off against Ieyasu, Yukiumra, Kanetsugu and Kunoichi were back to back and surrounded, fighting against Hanzo, Tadakatsu and Ina. After ordering his Kadabra to launch a Psywave against Ina's Prinplup, a thought entered Kanetsugu's mind and refused to leave.

"I wonder if Lord Kenshin and Shingen have ever had to fight like this."

"I bet that's what they're doing right now. Fire Fang Charmeleon!" Yukimura replied.

"Please." Kunoichi said mockingly. "I bet they're having a drinking contest right now."

"That's ridiculous Kunoichi." Yukimura chastised the ninja before returning his focus to his flank.

"Lord Kenshin would never do something so dishonorable!" Kanetsugu shouted back.

* * *

"Hic... Y-You know Ken-Kenshin..." Ujiyasu slurred, the alcohol clearly having it's way with him. Kenshin looked up from his cup to the drunkard barely sitting upright at the end of the table.

"I-I think you may be a-a woman..." Shingen spit out his drink when he heard Ujiyasu say that, unfortunately most of it landing on Kenshin. Kenshin cleaned it off with a nearby cloth, never taking his focus away from Ujiyasu.

"What?" he replied, his tone betraying his annoyance.

"I-I... hic... mean that you never married... your only kid is adopted and... hic... and you never, never take off that robe!" he exclaimed as if he had made the discovery of the century. Kenshin only shook his head in a strange mixture of disappointment and disgust while Ujiyasu turned to Shingen.

"Why are... hic... are you so flustered Shignen? Your face is all red..." he then burst into laughter while Shingen sat unamused in his own chair, adjusting his mask.

"You want proof I'm a man Ujiyasu?" Ujiyasu made a motion akin to nodding, being too drunk for basic motor skills.

"Hold out your hand." Ujiyasu did as instructed and in one fluid motion, Kenshin grabbed his wrist, lifted Ujiyasu out of his seat, and flung him overhead like a rag doll. Ujiyasu landed behind Kenshin on the hard, wooden floor, with a very audible thud.

"That doesn't prove you're a man!" he replied drunkenly, not making any attempt to get up. "It just proves your a strong woman..." it was barely a minute after he said that when loud snoring could be heard coming from the now unconscious man. Shingen looked over from where he was sitting, examining the limp body of the warlord.

"Nice job." was all he said before going back to his drink.

"I would have had to do it eventually, nemesis." Shingen nodded solemnly as he swallowed his drink.

"I can only hope the kids haven't gotten into too much trouble."

* * *

The battle was winding down quickly, though over the short course of it it looked like the victory could go to either side. After Masamune defeated Naomasa, Kunoichi managed to knock out Hanzo and his Haunter, freeing up Kanetsugu to go and assist Masamune and Magiochi, who were faring poorly against Ieyasu's Aggron.

What seemed like an inevitably victory for Avia though was suddenly turned around when, despite Kanetsugu's assistance, Ieyasu managed to beat him and Masamune though Magoichi and Grovyle managed to withdraw. Things were made worse when Ina's Prinplup managed to knock out Kunocihi's Sneasel via a flurry of Metal Claws, leaving only Charmeleon and Grovyle up against a tired Aggron, Metagross and Prinpulp.

"Brick Break on Aggron, Charmeleon!" Yukimura ordered, his gloved hand pointing at the colossal Steel type. Charmeleon's claw grew a bright white and it charged at the grey Pokemon standing only a few feet away.

"Block it!" Aggron lifted its bulky arm up just in time to stop Charmeleon's overhead attack, though the sheer force of it was starting to force it backwards. Charmeleon then applied more and more pressure until Aggron could no longer keep up the block, and cracked it overhead. The metal juggernaut stumbled backwards and collapsed, a wave of dust settling around it. Charmeleon landed, but took no time to bask in his accomplishment of besting Ieyasu's partner, and immediately ran off to assist Grovyle.

As Grovyle delivered a Leaf Blade to Prinplup, forcing her back, Metagross was about to bring down a Meteor Mash on the Lizard Pokemon, before a pillar of fire that Charmeleon sent smashed into it, forcing it back. With Charmeleon back in the fray, Magoichi saw an opportunity to neutralize Prinplup.

"Attract, Grovyle!" Grovyle winked, conjuring multiple hearts and sending them over to Prinplup. When they reached the Penguin Pokémon, surprisingly it seemed to have no effect, leaving Magoichi and Grovyle baffled.

"What gives? That move's worked hundred of times before." Ina, who was standing behind Prinplup and thus across from Magoichi, only shook her head.

"That's exactly the problem, you've used attract so many times Prinplup has become immune to it." Magoichi and Grovyle deadpanned, which Ina took advantage of.

"Metal Claw!"Prinplup's wings glowed a bright, white light for a moment before the light subsided and a coat of metal replaced it. It then charged at Grovyle, who managed to overcome his stupor by the sight of the flightless bird impetuously charging him.

"Block it with Leaf Blade." the leaves extending from Grovyle's arms grew and curved, and he brought one of them as in the nick of time to block the Water Type's onslaught. Prinplup then brought up its spare wing only for Grovyle to block it, causing a deadlock. Prinplup responded by applying more and more pressure only to be taken off guard when Grovyle stopped resisting and side-stepped, causing Prinplup to fall forward. Grovyle assisted gravity by slashing the Pokémon across the back with its Leaf Blade, and when the Penguin Pokémon fell to the ground it was motionless.

As Ina ran over to her downed Pokémon, Magoichi walked up to Grovyle and give him a pat on the back, not even noticing that Yukimura was fighting desperately against Tadakatsu. Forgetting completely about the battle altogether, he walked up to Ina and flashed her his trademark smile as she was helping Prinplup back up to her flippers.

"So Ina, how 'bout we grab a bite to eat after this?" Ina responded by giving him a firm kick to the shin before walking off with Prinplup to the side of the courtyard, where the other defeated warriors and their Pokémon were watching the battle. He then heard someone walking behind him, the metal of his boots creating a distinctive sound, and turned to see Yukimura walking over to the group as well. He was carrying his Charmeleon in his arms with great difficultly, but still managed to send him a look that said "Thanks for the help" before reaching the other warriors. He then realized that if Yukimura was defeated, that would leave him alone with Tadakatsu. Turning, he saw the giant of a man and his Metagross staring him down.

"Stay away from my daughter." Tadakatsu's deep, oddly calm voice rang out. But despite the calmness of his voice, it was the look of parental protection plastered across his face that terrified Magoichi.

"Iron Head Metagross." The giant metal x situated across Metagross' body glowed and it charged the Wood Gecko Pokémon with a surprising speed. Grovyle tried to dodge, but Metagross slammed into it before it could get out of the way, sending the Grass Type tumbling into Magoichi. Magoichi rolled the unconscious Pokémon off him, brushed off the dust on his jacket and turned to see most of the warriors talking amongst themselves. Turning, he saw that Tadakatsu was also heading off to the group, but as he passed him he suddenly stopped and turned.

"Remember what I said." he then carried on with his Metagross towards the group, leaving Magoichi looking like he had seen a ghost. As Tadakatsu and Metagross walked up to the group, they could catch the tail ending of Ieyasu and Masamune's conversation, even over the considerable racket they were causing by merely walking.

"Thank you for humoring this _Imbecile_, Ieyasu." Masamune said, though directing his gaze at Kanetsugu. The honor obsessed warrior only turned his head indignantly, refusing to speak, let alone look at Masamune. Ieyasu just ignored the scene and replied in his usual, jovial manner.

"It was no trouble at all Masamune. Besides; it was getting rather boring in Valora with only each other to fight against so this was a nice change of pace." Ieyasu then turned and motioned for the rest of his warriors to follow.

"Well, I best be off." the short, portly man walked over to his Rapidash and tried to climb on, only to realize, much to his humiliation, he was too small to grab the saddle. Seeing his lord's predicament, Tadakatsu ran over and hoisted him up on his horse. To make up for his failure to mount his steed, Ieyasu snapped the reins, causing the Pokémon to whine and then take off at a high speed. The rest of his army could only watch in a stunned silence as he tried to regain control to no avail. The Rapidash then bolted through the open gates and Ieyasu eventually disappeared in a cloud of dust that the Pokémon had kicked up. While the Valora army started talking among themselves as to what they should do, Masamune turned and started walking back inside the castle.

"Where is he going?" Yukimura asked.

"I bet he's going to go take a nap. Since peace broke out he's had nothing to do but sleep and yell at me." Magoichi replied, having finally overcome his terror.

"Take a nap huh?" no one heard Kunoichi say that, nor notice her and Sneasel sneak off and follow Masamune's path.

* * *

As Masamune leaned against the same pillar in the kitchen that he had before Valora's Army had arrived, quietly snoring, Kunoichi and Sneasel stealthily made their way into the kitchen, stopping only to gaze at him for a minute.

"He's so peaceful when he sleeps. And quiet too." a devious smirk then crossed her dainty face, one that Sneasel shared.

"How 'bout we change that?" she said while holding up a small bottle of white makeup. Sneasel could only return her grin with a snicker at what it was sure she was planning on doing.

* * *

Magoichi, Kanetsugu and Yukimura were sitting around a small, wooden table in the courtyard when a blur of black and red sped past them. All three recognized that it was Kunoichi, and before any of them could ask why she was running a very loud roar echoed out from the castle.

"KUNOICHI!" it was barely a second after they heard Masamune's scream, that he burst out of the keep and dashed for the gate which the female ninja had just ran through a moment earlier. None of the three warriors managed to get a good look at the enraged warlord, who in his fury had trouble getting through the gatehouse due to the wideness of the crescent on his hat, but all three noticed that his face was unusually pale.

"Kunoichi..." all three muttered at once.

* * *

Kenshin stared across the table at his semi-drunken nemesis. It was clear that the alcohol was starting to take effect as he wobbled in place a bit, but continued to drink nonetheless. As Kenshin raised his own glass for the umpteenth time, he heard the doors behind him swing open.

"Sorry, My Lords." was all the blur of black said before vanishing into a nearby corridor. Ignoring Shingen's strange and obnoxious ninja, he downed another glass, his vision becoming a bit more blurry with each sip. After a few moment of silence, Kenshin turned as someone else entered the room at the same impetuous as before.

"Where is she?" he recognized the voice as Masamune's but paid him no heed until Shingen started to stare at him.

"Perhaps I've had a bit to much to drink... but If I'm not mistake that's Masamune in Geisha Makeup." he slurred slightly. Kenshin then turned around and stared at the unappealing sight of a fuming Masamune covered in white and red makeup.

"I'm not some figment of your drunken imagination you Imbecile! Now, where is SHE?" he hollered.

"She headed over there. But be careful... she likes to pull pranks." Shingen then laughed drunkenly and pointed to the corridor that she had run down a few moments before. Without a second thought, Masamune bolted down the corridor to find only one door at the end of it. He rushed into the room to find it empty save of a wooden column in the middle and a few barrels in the corner. Noticing that a piece of paper was nailed to the column he immediately ran up and tore it off, his good eye going over the single word a few times.

"_Gotcha" _Masamune then observed that Kunoichi had written something else at the bottom of the page in her barely legible handwriting.

"_P.S: Duck"_ he then smelt the distinctive smell of smoke and looked at the column again to realize that, somehow, by pulling of the piece of paper he had ignited a carefully concealed piece of rope that led to the barrels. Realizing that she had pulled another one on him, he immediately threw himself to the ground, preparing himself for what he was sure would be his death. Then the explosion followed, but rather than feeling intense heat, he felt large numbers of something small and light pelting him. Standing up, he took off his helmet and examined it to find the backside covered in rice. Growling, he put the helmet back on and stormed out of the room. He quickly and wordlessly passed Kenshin and Shingen, stepping on the still unconscious Ujiyasu, and stormed out of the castle.

"You know Kenshin... this is probably the sake talking... but you're my best friend..." Shingen then promptly fell out of his seat. Kenshin stood up and looked over the table to see him snoring gently and still grasping the sake cup. He could not help a smile cross his features as he finally had won their lifelong rivalry. The robed man then fell over himself, joining the other two.

* * *

"So then he-" Magoichi was suddenly cut off by Masamune, who was covered in rice and Geisha Makeup, storming back into the courtyard.

"OUT!" he shouted, leaving the three of them confused.

"What?" the crimson armored warrior asked.

"OUT! All of you!" his loud command did not answer any of their questions, but all three knew that it was better to give Masamune some space than have him throw them out of the castle. The three and their Pokémon then got up from their seats and exited the castle, with Magoichi doing his best to not laugh at Masamune. The One-Eyed Dragon quickly closed the gates behind them, effectively sealing them off from Avia. Once the disheartened trio had started to descend the staircase the led up to Avia, a certain ninja and her partner jumped down from a nearby tree and landed in front of them.

"What did you do?" Kanetsugu asked, doing his best to intimidate the girl.

"Isn't it rather obvious?" she replied. Kanetsugu shook his head, Yukimura, who was used to her pranks, remained stoic and Magoichi just started to laugh.

"It was priceless."

"Thank you! Finally someone appreciates all the hard work I put into my pranks." the black clad ninja exclaimed.

"Anyways, I'm sorry he kicked you out too Mag." she said to the laughing man.

"Eh... It's fine. It's not like the first time he's kicked me out. I'll just wait a few days for him to calm down."

"You can always stay with us at Terrera." Yukimura offered.

"No thanks. As much as I like watching Kunoichi prank someone I'd rather not be on the receiving end." he replied, to which Kunoichi faked offense.

"C'mon Lord Yukimura." Kunoichi then grabbed his army and started to pull him down the steps. "I think Lord Shingen may need your help." The young man could not help but raise an eyebrow as his bodyguard continued to pull on his arm.

"With what?"

"You'll see." the tone of her voice set him on edge, and Kanetsugu took the opportunity to step in.

"You better not have done anything to Lord Kenshin or I'll-"

"Please." she replied, letting go of Yukimura to face the white-clad warrior. "It's not like they needed my help." that confused the duo even more, and both started to give her intense, curious stares.

"You'll see when you get there." neither of them wanted to go any further, but their curiosity drove them further down the mountain face.

* * *

When they got back to Terrera, Kunoichi held the door open for them, and when the two Warriors and their Pokémon entered they sat in stunned silence at the sight of three unconscious Warlords and a massive amount of empty bottles. Kunoichi then snuck up behind the two and leaned in to whisper in Kanetsugu's ear.

"Told you so."

* * *

And with that, this incredibly long one-shot is over. I apologize if this wasn't all that good, this is my first attempt at writing comedy and any advice is appreciated. Anyways, per custom, I will now go off on a monologue about the story.

Historically, both Kenshin and Shingen were heavy drinkers, the former even dying of drinking, and after reading the "Eleven Empty Bottles" chapter of Pokemon Conquest: Mistletoe and Secret Santas (I actually suggested the main idea for the chapter) by Queen Nephthys (I hope I spelled that right) I wanted to right something involving Kenshin and Shingen's rivalry and the idea gradually formed.

The parts where Kanetsugu mutters about "his honor abandoning him" is actually something he says when you beat him in Samurai Warriors 2. Likewise the conversation about the letter between him and Ieyasu was taken from Samurai Warriors 2 Empires. Finally in her profile in Pokémon Conquest it mentions that Kunoichi's a "mischievous prankster" so I felt it only just to expound upon that.

Finally the part where Ujiyasu accuses Kenshin of being a woman is actually something that some Japanese have put forward (though it is universally discredited). It was actually satirized in an event Samurai Warriors: Chronicles where Ujiyasu and Aya have a bit too much to drink and Aya poses the question as to why Kenshin never married. The character in turn can speculate the he's really a woman, but Ujiyasu will just say that they're saying that since they're drunk.

Well with that over, I can say that I probably won't start writing a new Conquest one-shot until I finish the new chapter of The Tournament of Heroes, as well as a Civilization story I'm writing, though I do have a lot of ideas flying around in my head. Anyways, I hope this made someone laugh.


End file.
